by "Gifted Jena," a Psychic Advisor on Keen*

What does the word "alone" mean to you? Do you feel a sense of relief or freedom? Are you fantasizing about what you'll do first -- what book you'll read or how late you'll stay in bed? Or does the word make your chest tighten, your heart beat faster and your palms sweat?

So many people out there are afraid to be alone and stay in unfulfilling, unhappy or even abusive relationships. They are mistaking want for need. These are women from all walks of life -- those with big careers and great paychecks, those who work 9-to-5 and barely make ends meet and those who are stay-at-home moms. It doesn't matter who you are ... we all go through times and relationships where we find walking the line from want to need difficult.

Wanting someone is the positive side of the relationship. You want them because they make you feel good in some way, they fulfill some desire you have, and they make your knees weak. Need, on the other hand, is want gone bad. Need is desperate, lonely and often times leaves you feeling empty. In general, people can quickly pick up on your need. It's instinctual, and it puts the person needed in a very powerful position. They feel safe knowing that you are willing to tolerate almost anything in order to have them in your life. This is when the balance slips away from the relationship and you find yourself at the bottom of a hole trying to climb out. You will never give enough or be enough to please the person you need.

Once you are in this kind of relationship, it is a true struggle to fix it or get out. "Love" often becomes an addiction, and addicts often can't find a way out of their suffocating addiction. All hope isn't lost, though. If the person you need isn't attempting to control you, isn't using your need to their advantage or in a malicious way, you can find yourself on equal footing again through lots of talking, lots of sticking to your guns and a whole bunch of non-desperate love.

Find someone to talk to who can help you understand codependence and boundaries, and can help you stop the cycle. Find something creative to do with your time that doesn't involve the person you need.

If you are in a relationship where he insists on being needed by constantly trampling on your feelings, hurting you to "get even," or threatening to leave you regularly in order to control you, you have to get out, Sister! He probably thrives in codependent relationships and is prepared to fight any efforts you make to become his equal. I know it's hard, and you probably can't imagine your life without him. That is what he is hoping you won't do; imagine your life without him because he knows what he is doing and he is just as desperate to lose you as you are to lose him. Again, enlist the help of a friend, family or women's group so that you can start making a plan to get out.

*Excerpted from the blog of "Gifted Jena" from Keen